Living alcohol-free is about so very much more than alcohol. Yes, there’s the obvious, and very real physical health and financial benefits that have come with healing…but there’s also a deeper realization that I’m capable of so much more than I ever realized. And I deserve so much better than the life I was living. And there is so much to be grateful for, even in the face of pain, loss and sometimes regret. There’s an absolute beauty in ordinary everyday life that I completely missed before.
I have undergone so much healing over the past year, and there is still much work to do. I have found my balance with going to AA meetings–I’ve made sober friends, found a sponsor and worked through the steps. I joined a subgroup of ladies who are a mix of moms, career-women, business owners, retirees, newly sober and 30+ years sober…they support one another, go to lunch & dinner together, email & text gratitude lists, etc. I join them a couple times per month for dinner, and I’ve joined the daily gratitude email too.
I’m still in the middle of a BIG shift. In setting boundaries and prioritizing health and sobriety, I’ve lost some friends. And some family members that I love dearly have fallen to the periphery of my life, which is painful, but also okay. I’m becoming less focused on my pain, and more focused on spending my time making life good for me and those I impact in life.
I’m currently struggling with the concept of “self-love”. It’s sad I suppose that I just can’t even conceive what it means to love myself. I’m actually fairly uncomfortable with the whole idea of “self-love”, but I’m leaning into it anyway. This puts me in mind of a blogger (I don’t remember her name) from years ago who would ask herself, “What would a woman who loves herself do?” when making a decision, etc. I don’t remember who she is, or even the rest of what she wrote. But, in my whole “self-love” stuggle, I’m finding it infinetly helpful and simple to ask myself, “what would a woman who loves herself do?”
It’s amazing how something I read 6 or 7 years ago on a sober-blog just surfaced back into my concious mind now, and is profoundly making a difference in my journey. I am in awe of just how connected we all really are.
Jennifer
HealthyJen 
I am SO HAPPY to see this post! I’ve thought of you and hoped you’re doing great on your alcohol-free path. And you are…..
You know, I think that coming at the concept of “self love” from a clueless perspective is rather perfect. Maybe the only way. It means you’re not following anyone else’s concept of that which (maybe by definition) wouldn’t fit you. Reaching for the question “What would a woman who loves herself do?” allows the part of you who answers it to piece by piece customize what that means for you. I’ve recently begun to really think that we’re all really weird and quirky and they key to a happy life is being quiet and honest and brave enough to hear the weird quirky things each of us needs and take that seriously (in a joyful or serious or goofy or preliminary way). So, yay for you!!
Adrian
This is an awesome read! I knew you were doing well and I am happy to see you are settling into a groove.
I found self love through matt Kahn (who I sometimes share in Facebook). And Brene browns the gifts of imperfection. It is her best book by far.
Kristen kneff also has some good work on self compassion.
Matt, however, made me say I love you out loud to myself a million times. As corny as it sounds, eventually it felt true. I love myself. As I am…older, a bit softer, wearing comfy clothes and no makeup.
Who knew?
Anne
Jen!
I was so excited to see your blog pop up!
Amazing, my friend! So thankful you found a tribe!
Much love,
Wendy