Let me tell you about the Facebook message I got today…
It was from a guy who I’m friends with on Facebook and don’t really know…somebody I met once maybe years ago….anyway….he messaged me and said “remember us???”
It took a minute. But I remembered that about 3 or 4 years ago I danced with his friend at a bar…the friend turned out to be married and his wife nearly attacked me at this fancy upscale bar. I don’t remember much else but fast forward a few hours I did “fall asleep” in my car, woke up at 3am and drove home, checked on my kids and passed out. The next day I talked to my friends about how crazy and and badass my night was….Except that the truth was that I was a 40 year old mom of 3 who once held things like dignity and marriage sacred, so behind my boasting was a very ashamed and damaged woman who really didn’t remember what she did the night before. Hiding…Shame…Fear… Hangovers… Blackouts… Ugh.
I don’t live like that anymore. I live my values. I remember everything. I am present. Life is no longer a party. But I sleep well every night, and I’m comfortable with and proud of who I am and who I am becoming.
And I want to cringe at the thought of that drunken embarrassing memory…but drunk-Jenn is part of me too. She was just trying to survive and not feel so lost and fearful and hurt. It just took her a long time to realize that it was up to her…that she could help herself out of the hole she’d sunk into.
Greatful to be alive, healthy and alcohol-free today.