Darn Facebook…

Let me tell you about the Facebook message I got today…

It was from a guy who I’m friends with on Facebook and don’t really know…somebody I met once maybe years ago….anyway….he messaged me and said “remember us???”

It took a minute. But I remembered that about 3 or 4 years ago I danced with his friend at a bar…the friend turned out to be married and his wife nearly attacked me at this fancy upscale bar.  I don’t remember much else but fast forward a few hours I did “fall asleep” in my car, woke up at 3am and drove home, checked on my kids and passed out. The next day I talked to my friends about how crazy and and badass my night was….Except that the truth was that I was a 40 year old mom of 3 who once held things like dignity and marriage sacred, so behind my boasting was a very ashamed and damaged woman who really didn’t remember what she did the night before. Hiding…Shame…Fear… Hangovers… Blackouts… Ugh.

I don’t live like that anymore.  I live my values. I remember everything. I am present.  Life is no longer a party. But I sleep well every night, and I’m comfortable with and proud of who I am and who I am becoming.

And I want to cringe at the thought of that drunken embarrassing memory…but drunk-Jenn is part of me too.  She was just trying to survive and not feel so lost and fearful and hurt.  It just took her a long time to realize that it was up to her…that she could help herself out of the hole she’d sunk into.

Greatful to be alive, healthy and alcohol-free today.

Jenn

9 thoughts on “Darn Facebook…”

  1. It makes me cringe too, when I think back on those memories. My drunken ‘badass’ nights were actually just sad and disgraceful full of regret. You are living and speaking your truth and I think THAT is pretty badass. xxx

  2. I’ve got plenty of those cringeworthy memories. There’s guilt and remorse, but also a flood of gratitude that I got out…that we did not have to feel this way on our own. We’re so lucky.

  3. Just stumbled across your blog and can say I wholeheartedly know drunk girl me and the trying to keep it together feelings. Its those memories that have pushed me through the last week after a big stumble. Day 5 here, back in the early days I guess.

  4. I love/hate getting slapped in the face with a cringeworthy memory. It’s frustrating, but it helps keep me strong. I too think of myself as Drunk Jenn when they come up. It’s hard to be kind to ourselves, but sobriety has taught me how to be nicer to myself , and it’s getting easier. Sober Me is much nicer to Me than Drunk Me was…

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